Compassion

The dictionary definition of compassion is 'the deep emotion triggered by understanding the suffering of others and wanting to do something about it'. Not to take anything away from the obvious applications of relieving suffering (world hunger, human rights issues, etc.), but I think we miss out on more "common" applications of compassion. Most people that we encounter in our everyday lives are suffering in some way. Even if we don't know what suffering exists in each individual, treating others with patience and kindness is often that 'something' that they need. That person driving 20km below the speed limit may need compassion. Your coworker that annoys the stink out of you. Compassion. The people you love and see everyday. Compassion. Seek out the lonely. Listen to those with no voice. Love those around you because they are.

Medical Updates

Today, Roz and I met with the surgeon who did the original procedure. He provided some much needed clarity on the next few medical steps that we'll be taking. Apparently, when a doctor says "you need further surgery and you'll see the surgeon on December 4", this does NOT mean that the surgeon will be doing any surgery on December 4th. He just wants to chat on December 4. Based on this consultation, he'll set an actual surgery date. The lack of a known time line is a little disheartening, but at least we won't show up on December 4th expecting surgery, only to walk away with a post-it note. That would be a little embarrassing :)

Some good news! I have an appointment with a Melanoma specialist from the BC Cancer Agency on December 9. Also, the surgeon that I'll see on December 4th is able to perform all 3 of the potential surgeries that I may need. It means that we have to go to Vancouver Island, but there is a chance that all procedures could be done at the same time. One of the possible procedures that I'll need is a 'radical neck dissection'. Sounds very 80's to me!

Truth

There are many things that are true. Some things that are true are wonderful. Somethings that are true are awful. I think that all truth must be understood in light of compassion, reconciliation, and hope. Without these elements, truth is either frightening or meaningless. It is these other 3 elements that make truth beautiful. I have come to terms with the fact that I have cancer. This is one of those awful truths. If I stopped at the truth of the matter, I would be missing out on the beauty of the journey.

When it comes to spiritual truth, I think we try to over-complicate things. God loves us. We should love Him and we should love each other. That's more than enough to keep us busy for many generations to come.

Next: Compassion

I'm scared too.

I’ve got some waiting time between now and next Friday. It’s a strange period to be in. I still feel fine, but I know that something is wrong. I don’t get to know how wrong things are for another 2 weeks. A friend remarked the other day that I didn’t seem scared. I’d like to debunk that right now! I’ve been trying to time my communications with people to coincide with the high points of my days. If we look at the full spectrum of my emotions, there have been some very low points too. I’m a very private person, so sharing about what I’m going through is a new experience. When I shared that I was scared, it gave my friend comfort. Jerk. :)

Perhaps others will find it helpful to know that despite the lows, there is still an overarching peace. This comes from God, through His spirit and also through other people. Strangers. Friends. Family. My dear wife. Roz has been absolutely incredible. She just sits with me when I need to sit and be quiet. She laughs with me. She cries with me. She bought me a new coat, even though I didn’t think it was wise to invest in the long-term. The rest of the winter seems long-term at some of those low points. I’m glad I have a new coat.

Over the past year I’ve been working on my MBA at Trinity Western. Most of my major projects have been work related, and since I also work at TWU, most have been about the university. A key part of each project has been an examination of organizational mission and reason for being. I have spent countless hours wrestling with the reason that TWU exists. I’m so glad that I have. It has helped me to shape my outlook on this journey.

In short form, TWU exists so that through its students, alumni, faculty and staff, the world may experience Christ’s Truth, Compassion, Reconciliation, and Hope. I have experienced these elements in powerful ways over the past few days. I hope that I can also show these elements to others who are walking through this with me, or may be walking a similar journey of their own.

Between now and December 4, I’m going to put down some thoughts about each of these things: Truth. Compassion. Reconciliation. Hope.

Tomorrow: Truth.

Surgery Date Set

I just heard from my doctor. I'm scheduled for surgery on December 4th in Victoria. If anyone needs anything...British candies, Wax Museum t-shirt...let me know!

UPDATE: Surgery will not be on December 4th. I have a consultation with the surgeon on the 4th and will be scheduled for sometime after that.

In all things, God is good.

Well, it's been quite the weekend. It started with a phone call on Thursday night from my doctor. He said that he needed to see me right away, like Friday morning at 7:30. I figured that it wasn't just because he enjoyed my company. I had a mole removed from my face a couple of weeks earlier, and the results were in. I drove to his office the next morning and was ushered directly into the examination room...no time to even pick up a germ-infested waiting room newspaper. The next few minutes were a bit of a blur, I just remember random words like "cancer, spreading, surgery, Melanoma, act quick, any questions?, I'll call you on Monday". The next thing I knew I was driving home with a numb feeling in my chest. Roz called me during one of her spare teaching blocks to find out how the appointment went. That was a difficult conversation. Do I ruin her day? Do I lie and say that everything is fine? I told her the news and she was a pillar of strength for me. She then went and taught her grade 2 class for the rest of the day, incredible. Wow, I love her so much! The rest of Friday was filled with ups and downs. I did everything from check the life insurance policy to reading up on how the Canucks were doing. The Canucks news was almost as bad as my own :)

The rest of the weekend was filled with lots of laughing and lots of tears. It's amazing what an emotional roller coaster a few mutant cells can cause.

I told the congregation at church today. The support was incredible. Thank you to all of you! In the afternoon, our pastor and a few church members came over and anointed us with oil and prayed over me and Roz. We have a tremendous sense of peace. The kind that passes all understanding.

While I'm sure that there will be many more highs and lows in the coming days, I know that God will sustain us. The end goal is not healing (though we are humanly hoping for that). The end goal is that God is glorified. Because of this, there is no bad outcome. For now, we trust that He has us in His hands and walk forward with His peace.

Check back here to see how things are going. Thanks for your prayers and support as we navigate this crazy journey.

In all things, God is good.