Tuesday, November 24, 2009

I'm scared too.

I’ve got some waiting time between now and next Friday. It’s a strange period to be in. I still feel fine, but I know that something is wrong. I don’t get to know how wrong things are for another 2 weeks. A friend remarked the other day that I didn’t seem scared. I’d like to debunk that right now! I’ve been trying to time my communications with people to coincide with the high points of my days. If we look at the full spectrum of my emotions, there have been some very low points too. I’m a very private person, so sharing about what I’m going through is a new experience. When I shared that I was scared, it gave my friend comfort. Jerk. :)

Perhaps others will find it helpful to know that despite the lows, there is still an overarching peace. This comes from God, through His spirit and also through other people. Strangers. Friends. Family. My dear wife. Roz has been absolutely incredible. She just sits with me when I need to sit and be quiet. She laughs with me. She cries with me. She bought me a new coat, even though I didn’t think it was wise to invest in the long-term. The rest of the winter seems long-term at some of those low points. I’m glad I have a new coat.

Over the past year I’ve been working on my MBA at Trinity Western. Most of my major projects have been work related, and since I also work at TWU, most have been about the university. A key part of each project has been an examination of organizational mission and reason for being. I have spent countless hours wrestling with the reason that TWU exists. I’m so glad that I have. It has helped me to shape my outlook on this journey.

In short form, TWU exists so that through its students, alumni, faculty and staff, the world may experience Christ’s Truth, Compassion, Reconciliation, and Hope. I have experienced these elements in powerful ways over the past few days. I hope that I can also show these elements to others who are walking through this with me, or may be walking a similar journey of their own.

Between now and December 4, I’m going to put down some thoughts about each of these things: Truth. Compassion. Reconciliation. Hope.

Tomorrow: Truth.


  1. Hey Brian,
    Thanks for this blog. We love you guys and are praying for you constantly. It's hard to know what words to say to God sometimes, but we do our best, don't we? Looking forward to being on the journey with you.

  2. There's so many things running through my mind right now of what I could say in response but in the same moment I'm at a great loss for words.

    Know that you are greatly loved by so many, greatest of all by the Father. Peace be with you.

  3. I know that you know that God is Love. I have slowly come to realize that His Love is mysterious, powerful, and not easily defined.

    People look at John 3:16 and miss the mystery and power of His Love. "He so loved ... that He gave .. so that ..."

    How mysterious the power of His Love that He loved us so much that He gave the most dear thing to Him, His Son. It blows me away.

    Rest in how much you mean to Him.