Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Hospital Gowns

Upon checking in for a recent chest x-ray, I was instructed to go down the hall, grab a gown, and change in a cubicle. As I made my way to the changing area, I passed a shelving unit of gowns...but the only ones left were up on the top shelf. I'm not the tallest person in the world, so (after several failed jumps) I had to scale the shelving unit to reach one of the lovely pale blue items. I figured that if I fell, I was in close proximity to the emergency room. I made my way to the cubicles, only to discover a nice pile of fresh gowns waiting for me inside. I used the one that I worked for.

The cubicles are along one wall of a hallway. Opposite to the cubicles are the chairs, which are filled with people already wearing gowns. Once you successfully maneuver your way into the puppet stage curtain of a garment, you get a front row seat from which to watch the next poor soul who needs to change. And when I say watch, I mean WATCH. Yes, you are in a cubicle, but there is about a 1.5 inch gap between the door and the frame. You can see the entire audience, and they are all trying to pretend that they can't see you. They've all just been in the cubicle, so most are sensitive to newcomers.

On the wall inside the cubicle was an instruction sheet with the warning: Please dress according to the instructions for your specific procedure. Incorrect gown placement will result in longer testing times. I like to stand in front of x-ray machines for as short a time as possible, so I really wanted to get it right! The instructions continued..for such and such a procedure, wear one gown forwards and one gown backwards. For another, wear one gown forwards. For yet another wear one gown backwards. For my procedure...wear one gown. One gown!? Which way?! Where am I supposed to feel the draft?

I finally decided to tie the gown up in the front since that would give easier access to my chest. Unfortunately, it was so large that it practically wrapped around me twice. I was wearing a kimono. A pale blue one. At least there was no draft!

Tomorrow I meet with my dermatologist again. No gowns for that appointment, unfortunately!


  1. Well I'm relieved to hear that the gown was too big and wasn't too small to tie around the front...that would be awkward.

  2. You are so funny. I love that people get to hear your crazy stories now. :) I love you.